poz

this should have come as no surprise, and it didn't. there's lots of medical crap that i don't care to make public, suffice it to say i have a high enough viral load to be rather contagious. i'm slowly taking it in and beginning/trying to accept/deal with it.

sex seems trickier now than it did before, especially if i am not fucked up. thinking about consequences for the guys i fuck or who suck me gets me to pause and think about things if not come to a full stop. i even think about my own health more in regards to sex and it's risks than i did before. i guess that could qualify as ironic.

the diagnosis was not as terrible a blow as i thought it would be. it does bring things with it that i was unable to foresee, and i'd have been happy to remain neg a while longer. still, i'm glad i had the raw sex though.