no mas

no more partying for me. that's the idea at least. i guess a combination of seeing how difficult it is to stop using and how close i am to getting in much deeper than i already am has led me to this resolution. i've eroticized partying to the extent that when i jerk off crystal figures large in the fantasy and usually the idea of partying gets me to cum. what the fuck is that about? that and the idea that if i want any chance of staying off meds i am going to have to take better care of myself. first and most important in doing that is no partying.

i think i can do it, but must say that if i go over someone's house and they bring out a pipe it will be damn hard for me to get up and leave.