meth equals death...
of dignity that is.
the setting: a bathroom at el mirage, they are private so at least no one saw this. i had just cleaned myself out with a disposable enema, just in case i get fucked (didn't happen, but that is beside the point), and i had to take a piss. i had been partying and was really fucked up, and the top i was with hadn't fill my ass with his tina piss, which is hot and what i wanted to happen and which would have gotten me that much more fucked up. so i thought to myself: i can take the top off, piss in the bottle and then fill my ass with my own tina piss. of course, i was so fucked up that half of the piss went on the floor because i was not standing directly over the toilet, but i easily managed to fill the bottle up. then i got down on the piss covered floor to insert the tip and recycle my piss into my ass. as my head was already on the floor and there was tina piss right there i figured why not and start sipping it up off the floor, disregarding the fact that the tina piss i drank earlier made my stomach feel like shit as well as many other facts that keep people from sipping piss off of sex club bathroom floors. i knew how bad this was while i was doing it, but that didn't stop me. let me say in my defense that i only sipped a little, but i also must say that when i filled the bottle again and went back down on the floor i lapped up a little more.
now why am i making this information public? have i no shame? i know it was bad and disgusting, yet i seem to feel some pride or find some pleasure in being so bad and disgusting. maybe i'm impressed that i could do something like this and not be too ashamed to make that information public? or maybe i just find it a particularly funny story, regardless of how i believe it will be interpreted. but what's funny about it? in addition to the basic bathroom humor, or maybe a natural part of it, is the gross-out disgusting factor. i think there is also some incredulity that i would do something like that. kind of like in high school when you can't believe you did something so stupid. somehow that stupidity is funny, or maybe it's just giddiness that it didn't completely blow up in my face (not the action itself, but the whole getting so fucked up that i would do something like that). i will have to wait a while on posting this to see if i really want anyone in the world to know that i have ever done something quite this low. i did tell one friend yesterday and he was laughing, he apologized for laughing, but said it was funny. this is a man who parties so maybe he could sympathize, or at least not look too judgmentally upon me. maybe i shouldn't withhold this because even though other people read this, my idea of this blog is for it to be a truthful public diary. part of the problem with that is that it is connected to a profile on bnskin so that it is not as anonymous as i would like it to be, or think i would like it to be.
this episode reminded me of the anti-drug psa with a guy in a bathroom stall crouched on the floor looking for some coke he had dropped which reminded the viewer that drugs are not cool, presumably because they make you crouch down on disgusting bathroom floors. my version of this is that much more effective because it shows how much lower than crouching on a disgusting bathroom floor you can go, this is done by the addition of the sipping of drug tainted piss from the disgusting bathroom floor; i suppose the flushing of your ass with your own drug tainted piss while you are sipping also adds to the effectiveness of the message. on a side note: i didn't think the bathroom floor looked that disgusting at all when i was down there; that could have been my impaired perception though and i need to go back someday when i am not fucked up to see the true condition of the bathroom floors at el mirage.
and as i come down/crash from this past weekend i read the title of this post and am discomforted. i know that meth can easily equal the death of more than dignity. this morning i thought about how much time i spend thinking about it, even if i am not doing it, to the neglect of other things. this is obviously part of the addiction, that cycle of i'll never do it again, until next time.
the setting: a bathroom at el mirage, they are private so at least no one saw this. i had just cleaned myself out with a disposable enema, just in case i get fucked (didn't happen, but that is beside the point), and i had to take a piss. i had been partying and was really fucked up, and the top i was with hadn't fill my ass with his tina piss, which is hot and what i wanted to happen and which would have gotten me that much more fucked up. so i thought to myself: i can take the top off, piss in the bottle and then fill my ass with my own tina piss. of course, i was so fucked up that half of the piss went on the floor because i was not standing directly over the toilet, but i easily managed to fill the bottle up. then i got down on the piss covered floor to insert the tip and recycle my piss into my ass. as my head was already on the floor and there was tina piss right there i figured why not and start sipping it up off the floor, disregarding the fact that the tina piss i drank earlier made my stomach feel like shit as well as many other facts that keep people from sipping piss off of sex club bathroom floors. i knew how bad this was while i was doing it, but that didn't stop me. let me say in my defense that i only sipped a little, but i also must say that when i filled the bottle again and went back down on the floor i lapped up a little more.
now why am i making this information public? have i no shame? i know it was bad and disgusting, yet i seem to feel some pride or find some pleasure in being so bad and disgusting. maybe i'm impressed that i could do something like this and not be too ashamed to make that information public? or maybe i just find it a particularly funny story, regardless of how i believe it will be interpreted. but what's funny about it? in addition to the basic bathroom humor, or maybe a natural part of it, is the gross-out disgusting factor. i think there is also some incredulity that i would do something like that. kind of like in high school when you can't believe you did something so stupid. somehow that stupidity is funny, or maybe it's just giddiness that it didn't completely blow up in my face (not the action itself, but the whole getting so fucked up that i would do something like that). i will have to wait a while on posting this to see if i really want anyone in the world to know that i have ever done something quite this low. i did tell one friend yesterday and he was laughing, he apologized for laughing, but said it was funny. this is a man who parties so maybe he could sympathize, or at least not look too judgmentally upon me. maybe i shouldn't withhold this because even though other people read this, my idea of this blog is for it to be a truthful public diary. part of the problem with that is that it is connected to a profile on bnskin so that it is not as anonymous as i would like it to be, or think i would like it to be.
this episode reminded me of the anti-drug psa with a guy in a bathroom stall crouched on the floor looking for some coke he had dropped which reminded the viewer that drugs are not cool, presumably because they make you crouch down on disgusting bathroom floors. my version of this is that much more effective because it shows how much lower than crouching on a disgusting bathroom floor you can go, this is done by the addition of the sipping of drug tainted piss from the disgusting bathroom floor; i suppose the flushing of your ass with your own drug tainted piss while you are sipping also adds to the effectiveness of the message. on a side note: i didn't think the bathroom floor looked that disgusting at all when i was down there; that could have been my impaired perception though and i need to go back someday when i am not fucked up to see the true condition of the bathroom floors at el mirage.
and as i come down/crash from this past weekend i read the title of this post and am discomforted. i know that meth can easily equal the death of more than dignity. this morning i thought about how much time i spend thinking about it, even if i am not doing it, to the neglect of other things. this is obviously part of the addiction, that cycle of i'll never do it again, until next time.
posted by cosmaz at 1:10 AM
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