2 guys (not the store)

met a poz guy last night. he asked if i wanted to fuck with or without a condom. i replied with and it was awesome. he is a really nice guy too. i have to say at some point i wished he would fuck me without the condom. i stayed over and this morning i was hoping he would just start fucking me raw like one of my first boyfriends, Alex, did the night i stayed over his place. i still look back on that first time he fucked me raw and think what would have happened if i asked him to keep going instead of asking him to stop. he is a wonderful man and i hope he is doing well.

i was thinking of seeing the dom guy again. i would like to just to see how it works out and if i can do any better. i am a bit beat tonight even though i am online and may hook up with someone else. a hook-up with him requires a good amount of energy though, and i do not feel i am up to it.

time passes

well i met the poz guy again. i think it is ironic that i refer to him in this way because he says that he is not defined by his infection and at least by me in this blog it seems that he is. anyway, we met again and he fucked me again, with a condom. i was ready to go without using it, just to see what it felt like but then he mentioned using it so i went with that. he didn't fuck me twice like the first time we met but it was still really nice. i did notice that the condom usually remains in my ass after he pulls out and was wondering if sooner or later it would come off while he's fucking me. an exciting idea, but moot at this point because the next day he asked why i wanted to use a condom when my profile read 'bareback preferred.' i told him that i figured he wanted to because his profile reads 'safe only.' never believe a guy whose profile reads safe only, lots of safe only guys love and want bareback sex and act on that loving and wanting. i told him i would be up for it but would probably ask him to pull out to cum. he said he would but really would want to cum inside me. i know he doesn't define himself by his status but it seems he actively ignores it; i will make sure we discuss certain realities before we do it. but i get really hot thinking about it.

as far as the dom guy goes i think i am not ready for that yet. i always felt nervous or uncomfortable when calling or talking with him although he is a really nice guy. i don't know why i feel this way but told him that i am a bit of a mess and don't feel up to meeting at this time. he was, as always, cool about it and left the door open for me calling in the future. his advice/admonitions about sucking did go over well the last time i went to the studio.