what poor timing you have

saw my ex at a porno bookstore. seemed to send him right back to where we were just before we broke up, didn't do me any good either. repeated the same scene we always have. i apologize. he sounds magnanimous but seems to me like he is being vindictive, "don't feel bad for me, feel bad for yourself." if this is where you are happy in your life, that's good." if this is what you want you life to be like, so be it." except all in Spanish. he really talks a lot when we meet like this. i just listen and look dolefully at him or away from him. when i said "adios" he said the same back and ran quickly away down 34th st, with his arms straight downwards. it struck me as so sad. i had another beer and ended up back at the abs, the one on 34th and 8th.

really feeling down. wish i would just take that leap, get partied up and take all loads. cobarde soy.

this black guy walking with a cane came into my booth. he had a beautiful cock, really big too. he tried to fuck me raw but he was too big and i too tight. if i had used the lube and poppers i had we probably could have done it. but my caution and fear kept those helpful chemicals in my backpack. i sucked him off though and, as he said, he wanted that cum inside me. another might have been. i saw my ex right after this.

better get to bed. that probably means that i will get to bed in about an hour but maybe i'll pass out sooner than that.