lack thereof is right

as usual i am off from work and going nuts. get very little done. fight to keep myself inside. why? i guess there is still a hope that i can avoid aids, avoid addictions by keeping myself away from the things i want so badly.

if i want them so badly why shouldn't i just go with it? except for far side cartoons all the lemmings go off the edge of the cliff into the sea because that is what they do. why i should i be any different? i guess the main reason is that i am a "man" and not an "animal," that i am a sentient thinking being and i don't have to solely follow my animal instincts. but they are so good and so much fun, the animal instincts that is, as if that should have to be made clear.

i will see if there is sex or restraint on the menu tonight. i really admire those who can combine both of those things into one elegant dish. for me it is either one or the other, and both are a la carte.