playing?

i met a real dom top for the first time last night. he stripped me down to my underwear and socks and blindfolded me. i was taught where home is and how to give a blow job properly. i have to remember to constantly massage his balls when i am home and servicing him. he put a butt plug up my ass and had me lick his ass and hole. he pulled the butt plug out roughly and fucked me until he was ready to cum and he came on my back. he told me he will shave me and use hot wax. he told me he will fist me and use sounds on me. i will be calling him later this morning and am not sure what i want to do.

i liked being blindfolded, and i enjoyed licking his ass.

he told me that he doesn't play at this, that if he could have slave boys around all day he would. i, however, am not certain that i am not playing at this. i do not believe that i would do this all the time if i could. my submissiveness only goes as far as it increases my pleasure. when i have my tits pulled on i feel pain, but pleasure at the same time. last night he beat and pulled my balls quite roughly and there was only excruciating pain (they are fine today, i checked). i wonder if i need to build up to a tolerance of this treatment or it is something you either have or you do not. i know the actual physical aspects probably must be built up to, but the acceptance of punishment seems more a psychological thing. i need to check with him this morning on this.

i think it did go a little far last night and i was pushed past my limits in a bad way. i had been kneeling for a long time and he told me to get up, i was getting up slowly because i had no feeling in my legs. he punished me by smacking my balls and i could hardly stay standing because of my legs. i apologized and started to leave because i felt i just couldn't take it. i was crying and felt like a failure. he told me to come back and things went more smoothly from there but i don't know if that had any effect on my enjoyment of the rest of the night.

i miss the kissing and the tenderness i like so much. not that i don't want the other things but i want them both together.

i don't know if i can do this because of my great fear of punishment. i am not sure if i want this to be a lifestyle or just a play thing. i will tell him my thoughts later this morning and see what seems best. i think i'd like to go back, but only after we discuss things more thoroughly.

oh yeah, i also puked a whole lot. i don't know if it was because of the cock staying down my throat or the vodka i was drinking. my throat felt raw on the way home and i thought i might puke some more, but it feels better today.