rerun, no need unless you missed it the first time

i honestly don't know what i'm doing. i really wanted to go to the studio tonight. i wanted to meet this poz guy who i've talked with and who will probably read this and get fucked but not have him cum in my ass, or have him cum in my ass, whatever. i did not though. the time approaches 10 pm and another opportunity slips away. i also could have met this poz guy who i've been seeing off and on who is an awesome top who really knows how to fuck. but i missed that too. then there was a hot bottom who said he would call but didn't and who i would have been happy to fuck or fist or get fucked by for that matter.

what does all this say about me, and my intentions? who the hell knows, i had 2 beers and feel real buzzed right now. two fucking beers, what a lightweight! all i know is that i regret not going or getting any tonight and at the same time i feel that it is a good decision. i can be straight (not drunk that is) and have these same feelings. i suppose that is why i am so willing to have unsafe sex with poz guys, because at least if i end up poz i will have one less convoluted set of thoughts to go through. but hey, instead of having some hot sex i can write this crap down and examine my navel/ass/insert unimportant body part here for the rest of my life.

i realize that most of the time i do not feel this way and that life is wonderful in many ways and to rush out would be a mistake. that's it, no waiting and editing, just a spell check and we are up on the net. whoo-hooo