it's not the beer, evidently

last tuesday i went to hook up with a guy who has himself listed as safe only on men4sexnow, but was always willing to fuck me raw, and even let me fuck him raw too sometimes. this time he rubbered up, it was still great though. he has a really nice thick cock. he told me he had been fucking a guy and the condom broke, after which the guy told him that he was poz, or maybe he told him before, i can't remember. either way, he said that he was freaked out and his dr put him on post exposure prophylaxis, which he had stopped because he couldn't take the effect the meds were having on him. he told me that he was trying to use condoms all the time and that i should do the same. i nodded and said 'of course' or something like that. i wonder if that is the real story or is there some other narrative that i don't know about? i did appreciate the concern (i was surprised by the concern actually), but i didn't think that i would change because of that concern. there are too many other people who are concerned and whose concerns have little to no effect on my actions for his to make much of a difference.

after i left, i stopped by an adult bookstore, but didn't find much action. i wandered around thinking about what i wanted to do, should i eat something? should i go to a sex club? i must say that my previous hook-up's concern for me and my health did give me pause while i considered my options. ultimately though, i went for the sex club. my rationale, this time, was to see if i would engage in risky sex even when i wasn't drunk. the answer is: yes i will engage in risky sex even when not drunk.

i went to the studio. it wasn't very busy but there was a hot hispanic guy with a nice fat cock who i played with off and on throughout the night. another guy wanted me to fist him; i did, twice, and have to say i find it enjoyable. i love feeling the inside of the guy i'm fisting, the bones and the strong pulse. i wish i knew more about anatomy so i knew where my hand was, exactly. as i was fisting him my hispanic friend came up behind me and started fucking me. my ass had been feeling raw all night, even before i met with the first guy, and the fucking i was getting while enjoyable hurt more than i wanted it to. i also wanted to focus on the guy in the sling's ass so the fucking didn't last long, but it was hot. later i was talking with the guy who i fisted and the hispanic guy came up behind me again, this time i was much more receptive. the fisting guy was making out with me and talking to me about taking cock up my ass, he gave me some poppers which made me even hornier. he asked if i wanted him to fuck me, i told him to 'fuck me up man.' he didn't, but the thought that he would really turned me on.

so i end the night where i started it, in the video area with the hispanic guy. i sucked and he fucked and then we took a break and i fooled around with some other guys. finally we were making out after the hispanic guy had fucked me some more and he asked if i wanted milk. i asked the question to myself aloud, wondering if i should or not before finally asking him to shoot his big load up my ass. turning and assuming the position, i was a little disappointed when he reached and turned me around so that we continued making out as he jerked his load out onto my leg. i left definitely satisfied and somewhat happy with the results of the day, no loads up my ass, and at the same time happy that i could have had one, or two, up the ass and have been sober the entire time. the fact that i have no problem, or at least not much of a problem, taking anonymous loads when i am sober seems to confirm my actually wanting cum up my ass. which, i suppose, is a comfort on some level; knowing that i am not just doing this because i am drunk, but rather for some more deep seated reason.