fuck you valentine's day

valentine’s day really didn’t have a chance i suppose. i opted to wear black and maybe that is where i went wrong. i doubt red would have made a difference though. i still had my meeting downtown, which meant i still would have had to get off at the borough hall stop. that is where i broke up with my ex. there are those who plan their entrances and exits from trains with precision and those who just get on and off with no advance planning. this advance planning means that you will get on a particular car and sit by a particular door so that as soon as you exit the train you are in front of the stairs that lead you outside or to the next train. i am one of these advance planners, my ex was not (though that is not particularly important it is something i remember with a smile as i write about this). so on valentine’s day i made sure i got on the front of the train so that i would detrain right in front of the tunnel that would lead me to the stairs that would lead me to the exit that was closest to the library where the meeting was being held. as the train slowed for its arrival at the station i remembered that this is the spot i had left my ex for the last time…we had been talking outside and i broke up with him again, this time with no ambiguity, i left him and ran down the station stairs and, conveniently for me, the train pulled up opened its doors and closed them in time to leave him standing sadly on the platform in his bright blue shirt. as i remembered this and as i made my way out to the street i began to cry. i kept walking and do not know if anyone noticed i was crying; my face tends to crumple up when i cry, but i was bundled up for the ice storm so who knows. i was concerned that someone who might be going to the same meeting might see me and ask what was wrong. the storm was terrible and ice drove straight into my face as i walked to the library and i stopped my sobbing and concentrated on keeping my head down and not falling. i think about my ex a lot…it was nice having someone love me in that relationship way, even if when it was a fucked up relationship. i cried because i miss that love and also because i feel bad, and as usual focus on that feeling bad, for leaving him the way i did, sad on the subway platform, but also for ending the relationship in a lousy and dishonest way.

thursday was much better. i had gotten up ridiculously early and went online. usually i am not looking that early and just go online to browse or force of habit, but if anyone asks i am up for it if it is early enough, though at that hour most guys are partying or have been and are looking for more. this young guy messaged me and even though i wasn’t partying he still wanted to hook up. i always worry about younger guys flaking out and once lost out on getting well fucked because i didn’t want to bother cleaning out as i was certain he would end up not showing up (he did and we still had an awesome time). he sounded like he was serious so i got my ass moving. i figured it would be faster to get a car service than to take a bus out to bushwick, not sure if that was true or not considering how long i had to wait for the car. the wait was delicious though, knowing that everyone else was hurrying to their day of drudgery at work and i was going out for some early morning sex with some club kid. he was cute and had some awesome ink, especially on his chest and head, but he wasn’t that into kissing. he lowered his sweats and out popped his cock; i sucked him and then he fucked me, still with his sweats on, which i wasn’t a big fan of, and he came rather quickly and with no warning. after i sucked his dick some more i told him i wanted to eat his ass; that finally got his pants off and he was on his back on the floor and i went down and rimmed his ass, really nice, a little musky, but not dirty. i had him nice and wet and slowly eased my cock in. he had a tight sweet ass and with some extra lube i was in heaven. now he was into kissing, and we made out as i plowed his ass. i was getting close and i figured, he didn’t tell me when he was coming so i am not going to say anything either, i was breathing heavier and giving all the signs that i was going to cum soon. he was squirming around or maybe it was my imagination, i figured if he wants me to stop he will say something. he didn’t and i came buckets up his ass, it was so fucking needed. he asked if i came and i told him i had and kept on fucking him. he kept squirming which was hot, but didn’t tell me to stop and i got hard again. he wanted to fuck me again so i pulled out, a little dirty, but nothing a towel couldn’t wipe off and went down on all fours. he slipped into my ass and shot another load. a little small talk while i cleaned up (somewhat), dressed and then left to go home and get ready for work. this time i took the subway, i was in no rush now. it was wonderful riding the train and thinking about the sex i had just had while everyone else, i assumed, had not. maybe it was the imagining of doing something normally not done (an early morning hook-up) or that i was just so happy i had fun and still had the day ahead of me to enjoy, even though i was going to work. i rode home, got a seat so i could read my book and stopped every now and then to think about how good life can be on a beautiful winter morning after a storm.

friday i went to a concert at the mercury lounge. this was the first time i had been to the lower east side since the closing of el mirage. i went with a straight friend so i felt i couldn’t ask that we go pay my respects at the dept of health notice plastered door. it’s a shame that a city with so many hot and fun guys is so hung up on keeping them from fooling around with each other. on my vacation i had been to houston, san antonio and new orleans and those cities, having lots of hot and fun guys too, have no problem letting them fuck around with each other in baths, clubs, bookstores and the backrooms of bars. the bands that night were good for one reason or another. the lead singer for the xyz affair was fucking hot, music wasn’t so great as far as i was concerned, but i enjoyed watching him sing in his v-neck t-shirt. the teeth rocked and were my favorite band of the night. the high strung were good too, but i really enjoyed the bass player who was grinning a mile and i imagined he must have taken something to bring this huge smile to his face. he still rocked though and was a great showman, but i couldn’t get over his smile and his cool, groovy ‘thank you all’ comments. truly a fun night, and no sex, what?

not to worry, saturday i worked, but after some dawdling over cleaning my ass i went to visit a buddy in jersey city who is lots of fun. he’s got a beautiful cock and loves to kiss. he always has some piss for me and along with real good fucking, sweaty armpits and some rough, but not too rough, nipple and ball play we have a great time. i didn’t cum though. he joked that i wasn’t leaving until i came, but i am sure there was some truth behind it. i don’t know why, but i don’t always cum when i am with a guy. i got to thinking about the selfishness of that, but he told me to stop worrying about it and i did. it is something that deserves looking into, but just not at that time, and not now either. afterward, i was beat so i took the path back to the city, and went straight home not veering off to a bookstore or bath. that is a good thing because sometimes i will continue with my sexual escapades even though i am completely exhausted. i will revive and rally once i am caught up in the sexual tide, but it is far better to just go home, get some sleep and see what tomorrow has in store for the well rested slut.